Ooze #8  Summer '96

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Join me, Gayle, the new editor at Ooze, to explore the Wild Wild World of Teens!
Find out who is responsible for this travesty!
Am I Normal?
Feel like you're "different"? Do people stare at you in the street? Our readers screw expensive therapy and write us asking if they're normal
Fashion Tips for the Very Poor
You don't have to be poor to be stylin'! Use these low-cost super-cool suggestions to make your rags look like riches!
Altered States
An intrepid Ooze reporter tries the latest in altered perceptual experiences: He didn't sleep for three days. Read what happened! -mrnoitall1@aol.com
Should I Use A Tampon? (The Eternal Question)
Learn how a Tampon can make you ruin your maidenhood. Sponsored by Stayee Free MegaPads
Guys like girls who are smart...but not that smart! Learn some true (and false) facts about politics so you don't embarrass your boyfriend. -nubba@aol.com
T-Shirt Designs for Reformed Bigots
Not-a-Bigotware© is not for sale in any store!
Teen Idols Through the Ages
Lincoln! Jesus! Mona Lisa! We've got the hottest hotties of all time!
Date With an Angel
Fearless Zak Weisfeld infiltrates an Angel Convention in the south to figure out why the hell Angels are so popular. -zakkk@aol.com
All kids' gotta have beer! (an advertisement)
Dangerous Masturbatory Habits
DANGER! DANGER! Don't try any of these new trendy ways to "do it" without reading this article! Safe sex isn't so safe anymore!
So You Think You're a Vampire?
Matt Patterson finds the horrible truth about Live Action Role-Playing games. Hide your women, shutter the doors, the goth kids are back and they're wearing a lot of bad make-up.
Irate and Angry Libs
Did you like playing that old MAD LIBS game with your friends? Try these on for size. (Anyone want to make a PERL script for this one?)
Celebrate Good Times (C'mon!)
Join Ed Schmidt as he celebrates his 10 year orgasm anniversary (with member of the opposite sex) caligula@aol.com
Teen World's Records
Intrepid Teens can do all sorts of real important stuff. These Teens will be remembered forever and ever as being really important!
Stupidest Shareware Vol. V.
Learn how to turn your hi-tech machine into a home computing behemoth in one easy step.
Is your Boyfriend acting weird? Take this simple test to find out if you should worry about him.
Embarrassing Letters from You
Read the horrid mail we find in our mailbox. It makes us cry.
Buy an All-American Ooze T-Shirt
The Ooze shirts have shipped and they look really stupid! Order yours today. People will stare at you... GUARANTEED!
Links to Far-Off Places
See stinky links to weird stuff and crappy crap from professionals and readers alike.
Where is Ooze?
Ooze is here, but where else can you find it? Learn how to get a subscription and all that other stuff people put in the back of any magazine that nobody reads.

Send all inquiries, eviction notices, and rabid dogs to overlord@ooze.com

Read About Ooze    Start at the Editorial
Ooze #8 is copyright 1996 by Matt Patterson

Ooze #8 ----- Summer '96

Ooze Magazine
The Journal of Substance, Wit,and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits