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Join me, Gayle, the new editor at Ooze, to explore the Wild Wild World of Teens!
Find out who is responsible for this travesty!
|Am I Normal?
Feel like you're "different"? Do people stare at you in the street? Our readers screw expensive therapy and write us asking if they're normal
|Fashion Tips for the Very Poor
You don't have to be poor to be stylin'! Use these low-cost super-cool suggestions to make your rags look like riches!
An intrepid Ooze reporter tries the latest in altered perceptual experiences: He didn't sleep for three days. Read what happened! -firstname.lastname@example.org
|Should I Use A Tampon? (The Eternal Question)
Learn how a Tampon can make you ruin your maidenhood. Sponsored by Stayee Free MegaPads
|TEEN SPOTLIGHT ON: Politics!
Guys like girls who are smart...but not that smart! Learn some true (and false) facts about politics so you don't embarrass your boyfriend. -email@example.com
|T-Shirt Designs for Reformed Bigots
Not-a-Bigotware© is not for sale in any store!
|Teen Idols Through the Ages
Lincoln! Jesus! Mona Lisa! We've got the hottest hotties of all time!
|Date With an Angel
Fearless Zak Weisfeld infiltrates an Angel Convention in the south to figure out why the hell Angels are so popular. -firstname.lastname@example.org
|AARON BURR BEER
All kids' gotta have beer! (an advertisement)
|Dangerous Masturbatory Habits
DANGER! DANGER! Don't try any of these new trendy ways to "do it" without reading this article! Safe sex isn't so safe anymore!
|So You Think You're a Vampire?
Matt Patterson finds the horrible truth about Live Action Role-Playing games. Hide your women, shutter the doors, the goth kids are back and they're wearing a lot of bad make-up.
|Irate and Angry Libs
Did you like playing that old MAD LIBS game with your friends? Try these on for size. (Anyone want to make a PERL script for this one?)
|Celebrate Good Times (C'mon!)
Join Ed Schmidt as he celebrates his 10 year orgasm anniversary (with member of the opposite sex) email@example.com
|Teen World's Records
Intrepid Teens can do all sorts of real important stuff. These Teens will be remembered forever and ever as being really important!
|Stupidest Shareware Vol. V.
Learn how to turn your hi-tech machine into a home computing behemoth in one easy step.
|THE BOYFRIEND SURVEY!
Is your Boyfriend acting weird? Take this simple test to find out if you should worry about him.
|Embarrassing Letters from You
Read the horrid mail we find in our mailbox. It makes us cry.
|Buy an All-American Ooze T-Shirt
The Ooze shirts have shipped and they look really stupid! Order yours today. People will stare at you... GUARANTEED!
|Links to Far-Off Places
See stinky links to weird stuff and crappy crap from professionals and readers alike.
|Where is Ooze?
Ooze is here, but where else can you find it? Learn how to get a subscription and all that other stuff people put in the back of any magazine that nobody reads.
Read About Ooze Start at the Editorial
Ooze #8 is copyright 1996 by Matt Patterson
The Journal of Substance, Wit,and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits