I was so excited! That magical day every girl looks forward to had finally arrived! It happened right after gym class, when my best friend Debbie and I were changing before our 4th period English class.
"I didn't know you wore tie-dyed underwear, Martha!" Debbie squealed. Uh-oh. I peered down fearfully. It looked like the 4th of July in my panties.
"Oh my God! I'm not a little girl anymore!" I shouted, my twin baby-mumps swollen with pride. "But how can I go to English looking like this"
"Don't worry, I'm prepared!" Debbie was always ready for the worst. She pulled a long, cigar-shaped object out of her purse and handed it to me. "It's a tampon!" Just then Ms Loussa, our gym teacher, walked into the locker room.
"What's going on in here?" Ms. Loussa paused and took a deep breath. I can only imagine what she thought was going on. Had I drop a plate of Spaghettio-s down my lap? Debbie was quick to break the silence.
"Martha got her first monthly visitor and I was giving her a tampon!"
"But Ms Loussa, I've never put anything up there before! Won't that steal away my precious virginity?"
Debbie protested, "No way! Only a boy can do that, right Ms Loussa?" Ms Loussa was very wise. She'd been a gym teacher for many years and had obviously seen the same scene replayed a thousand times.
"When I was young, like you girls, I thought that a tampon was thing since slied bread. But I was wrong. A simple tampon can spoil you. Sure, it was convenient and didn't leave an embarrassing bulge in my shorts, but its wanton use changed me. I may have technically been a virgin, but once those floodgates opened, I couldn't stop. First I used small tampons, then medium ones, then the big heavy flow ones...even when I wasn't having my period! When it finally came time to find a boyfriend, there just wasn't any room. Besides, no one would have had ol' 'Loose Loussa' anyway. All because I used a tampon."
We sat there silently, slowly realizing the road of depravity we had almost taken. Debbie looked into Ms Loussa's sad, tired eyes and said, "Thanks. I didn't know."
"Now you do." She tossed Debbie one of those Stayee-free Megapads you can buy in the girls room for a nickel. Suddenly the other gym teacher, Ms Boora, peered around the corner. I heard a faint humming sound from something mechanical. A smile widened on Ms Loussa's wizened face. "Girls, I have to go." As she left the locker room, I picked up the Stayee-Free MegaPad, unpeeled the sticky paper off the back, and knew what had to be done. I was a woman now. And a pure woman at that.
The Journal of Substance, Wit,and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits