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This 9/11 Joke Collection Will Save America!
After 5 Years, You Can LAUGH! It's official!
ooze.com's 9/11/06 memorial

As America wrestles with the fifth anniversary of the September 11, 2001 terrorist attacks on the USA and the subsequent wars that followed, people are finally beginning to ask some important questions. Where is this country going? Why is there still a big empty pit where the towers once stood? Where are the hilarious post-disaster 9/11 jokes?

Dear Ooze:
I hope you will understand my request and not pass judgment on me, but it has been 5 years, and you need to be the one to break the barrier down. I am talking about is September 11 jokes.

I have searched and searched; yet, it is futile. There are simply none out there. My life is lacking without these jokes to share with my friends. I know I am not the only one who is thinking about them.

Please help me out by putting your creative genius to good use.

Yours Truly,
Jordan

Ooze never backs off from a tasteless joke; after all, we published PENTAGON DISASTER JOKES in November of 2001. We assumed at the time that, after a preliminary pause, there would be plenty of terrible jokes to go around. However, after a simple web search, we confirmed that the only comprehensive collection of 9/11 jokes posted on the web were the work of a folklore scholar congratulating himself for predicting the appearance of these "jokes." But another scholar correctly points out (in the top google search for 9/11 Jokes) that for the last five years there has been a deficit of this type of humor almost everywhere. When 9/11 jokes do pop-up outside a few USENET groups dedicated to tasteless humor, the jokes are either self-censored in some way, or vaguely patriotic statements about killing Muslims.

Where did the dopey jokes go? Are people so horribly offended by the events of 9/11 that they can't make them - much less post them online? Was the death toll too high to mock? Was the destruction of American property too painful to bear? Then people who write Tsunami Jokes or Katrina Jokes should be jailed. If they are too offensive for a web based audience, how can you explain why these Holocaust jokes are posted on the web? Are Neo-Nazi's funnier than the rest of us? It's time to end the hypocracy!

In the interest of not letting the Terrorists Win, Ooze presents a half-assed attempt to win over hearts and minds with our 9/11 Freedom Joke Collection (not found in a folklore journal) -even if the jokes seem stale and out of date.

WARNING: We collected the best "jokes" we could find, but don't expect much –most were stolen from Academia, who are notoriously un-funny, and USENET, which can be equally moronic. We tried, but couldn't make them any better since we're terrible joke writers. Oh. And the majority of people will find the following humor offensive. Sorry.

SUPER HILARIOUS COLLECTION OF 9/11 JOKES:

"It's a bird!"
"It's a plane!"
"It's.... Oh shit, it IS a plane!"

Did you hear the one about American Airlines new deal? They’ll fly you straight from the airport to the office.

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Knock knock!!
Knock knock who?
Knock knock knocked all your towers down!

Q: What is the New York City Fire Department's favorite song?
A: "It's Raining Men"

Q: What's Al Qaida's favorite football team?
A: The New York Jets

A fireman went home on 9/11 and told his wife that he almost died. "My buddy Stan and I were running toward one tower after the other one fell, he said, "But then Stan got hit by a jumper! Thirty seconds later, the north tower collapsed. If Stan didn't get hit, we both would have been goners!"

The fireman's wife turned to him and said, "Is this going to be a long story?"

Q: What does WTC stand for?
A: What Trade Centre?

Q: What's 9 divided by 11 divided by 01?
A: A good investment in real estate. (A temporary dip in the price of downtown real estate, followed by an almost 100% increase over the next five years.)

Q: What was the last thing going through Mr. Jones' head when he was working on the World Trade Center's 90th floor?
A: The 91st floor.

Q: What's the last thing that went through the minds of the 9/11 jumpers?
A: Their ankles.

Q: What color were Mohammed Atta's eyes?
A: Blue. One blue this way, the other blue that way!

Q: How many Americans died in 9/11?
A: Who gives a fuck?

Q: What's the biggest difference between 9/11 and the Oklahoma City Bombing?
A: Foreigners once again prove they can do it better and more efficiently.

Q: When does a pentagon have four sides?
A: When it intersects a plane.

Have you heard about the decision about the memorial at the WTC site?
The city decided to go with an open park and the worlds largest franchise of the "International House of Pancakes!"

Q: How many New Yorkers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Nobody knows since they keep jumping out the window when it gets too hot!

Q: How long does it take to reach the ground from 107 stories up?
A: The rest of your life!

Well, 9/11 sure proves one thing... New Yorkers can really come together in a crunch!

Q: What kind of pizzas did they last order at the World Trade Center?
A: Two large planes!
-submitted by Geoff

If you find these jokes funny, feel free to laugh! This is America. And remember: laughter is the best medicine (unless you have a terrible infection, and then we'd recommend antibiotics.) If you can't laugh at your pain, then they won. Let's Roll!™

Got any jokes you want to share? We'll add the best to this list!