The Finger - The Website
Order the Book!

Crazy poo!Witness the Government Protest that got us in trouble... with our old service provider ( hypocrites of the century!)

Got Shockwave?
Put a Fork in The Baby's Head with Shockwave.

artoo.gifIn Ooze #10, we took on Sci-Fi geeks AND Christian Fundamen- talists with this parody site - The Force is a Tool of Satan. Also check out our analysis of the whole debacle in Ooze #10.

Lady Die!
Lady Di's untimely death touched us very deeply and made us write a song.

di.aiff (195k)
(1k lyrics for those sans sound)

FTP Files

Access via your browser or FTP program to get the latest ooze files.

A note on downloading  Macintosh applications

The Mac files are encoded in binhex format. This means, that when you  download them, they will usually show up on your monitor as a bunch of weird  looking text. Save this as a text file with the extension .hqx on the  end. Then you will need to get a hold of a program that will  translate binhex files into regular binary ones. Bin Hex 4.0 is good,  so is Stuffit. After you translate these files into binaries, you will  also have to unstuff them with something that can read .sit files. Netscape will do all this for you automatically.

Complicated? Sure. But possible. And the Mac and PDF versions is a great thing to  trade to your non-internet using friends in exchange for illegal commercial software.

Ooze was stolen...
Read the press release from the first time.

UPDATE: Ooze central has been replaced, and is still being paid off on credit cards. Ooze is now insured for $5000... so please take it again. I can get a new G4.

Ooze #1 - #3 are NOT web ready! (They were released in late '93 to '94!) They are funny, and need to be converted into HTML when I feel like it. E-mail me for inspiration. For now you can read it in text, PDF or Macintosh application ONLY!


Ooze #12 - 50 Years of Ooze
Learn how Tipper Gore would have put you in jail if she occupied the White House, the Secret History of Ooze, rejected Scholastic Books Posters, walking in on a Guy taking a Crap, and the People Who Enjoy Eating Tasty Animals.

ooze 11 - The Finger!
Ooze #11 - THE FINGER: A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO FLIPPING OFF! - You've seen it on TV, you've seen it on the streets! Now... see THE MIDDLE FINGER on Ooze! The online companion to our BOOK - available here at Ooze and in bookstores everywhere. Of course, if you're too cheap, you can get the gist of it from this issue.

For bizarre legal and lazy reasons, there is no text nor mac edition for Ooze #11.

Ooze #10 is the Science Fiction Issue. Why Hot Chicks Don't Do Guys Who Like Sci-Fi, The Force is a Tool of Satan Explained, More Rejected Ben & Jerry's Flavors, and William Shatner Acts Silly. Of course, there is a buttload of other crap you will love.

Beam up the text to Ooze #10
Use your
tricorder to get the Mac Version.

Ooze #9 is the "Internaccionale" issue featuring Ill-Informed Impressions of Other Countries, Foreign Ooze Subscribers Bite Back, Unlikely Cultural Exports, New Phone Pranks, Tours of Mexico, Hawaii and More! You'll never want to leave your house again!

Love the text.
Kiss the Mac Version
Have dirty sex with the
Adobe Acrobat (PDF)

Ooze #8 is the Teen Issue banned in Norway. Teen World's Records, Teen Idols, Fashion Tips for the Poor, and more. All embarrassing questions are answered!

Exhume the text.
Disinter the
Mac version.
Digest the
Adobe Acrobat (PDF) version

Ooze #7 is the Post-Holiday Issue. It's never too late to be Xmas. Celebrate the holiday season with articles on Rejected Xmas Specials, a war-rattled Santa answering his mail, Phone Numbers You Should Call, Green Eggs & Hamlet and more more more.

Eat the text.
Spew on the
Mac version.
Chew on the
Adobe Acrobat (PDF) version

Ooze #6 is our Back-To-School Issue. Featuring articles on How to Tell if Your Kids are on Drugs, Selections from the unexpurgated edition of Newt's new book, Rejected Ben & Jerry's Flavors, Canceled Newsgroups, New Courses for Colleges, etc. etc.

Smother thetext. (72k)
Lather in the
Mac version. Also includes the game "Shit Eating Grin" and the  startup application "The State" which will tell you how to live your  life. (947k)
Ooze #6  in Acrobat Form

Ooze #5 is our Nerd Issue featuring an expose on Nerds who love Trek, "Cyberspace" and Role-Playing Games Conventions, also stuff on Girls (again), Living Skulls, Numbers for Everyday Living, Satan, New Band Names and of course, more.

Get the text. (64k)
Touch the innards of
the Mac version. Comes  complete  with a screen-melting DA and a new extension, Mouse Turds! (660k)

Ooze #4 covers Gods, girls, glass eyes and love. Big-Deeluxe 1 Year Anniversary Issue. My first foray into publishing on the web. It's primitive, but it works.

Get the text. (54k)
the Mac version of Ooze  #4. It smells funny,  includes a quicktime slide show, and a screaming new extension for your system.

ooze 3 is text, PDF or mac only
Ooze #3 (not on the web) Includes Computer Games that Never Sold, Phrases You Should Know in every Language, What I Remember of The 80's, and so much much much more!

Get the text. (24k)
Heal the world with the
Mac version which comes with  the arcade game, Birdpoop! (801k)
And the only way to see the graphics on most platforms,
adobe acrobat version via FTP

ooze2 is text, PDF or mac only
Ooze #2 (not on the web) includes: How to Buy a Crappy Car, The End Times are Here, The Sad Story of My Colon, Ask Dr. Speckman: Advice to the Lovelorn, 40 ways YOU can help DESTROY the Earth, and a touching article submitted by one of our readers on the finer points of Stalking The Ones You Love... and many more surprises! Full of offensive articles!

Get the text here. (22k)
Download the issue BANNED  from all online services in
Mac form! (504k)
And the only way to see the graphics on most platforms,
adobe acrobat version via FTP

ooze1is text, PDF or mac only
Ooze #1(not on the web) includes My Bar Mitzvah with Batman, Fads that never Caught on, Fun Kids Games, Your Stupid Life: A Manifesto and more!

Get the text version (20k)
Or the
Mac version via FTP- with  lots of great sounds! (495k)
And the only way to see the graphics on most platforms,
adobe acrobat version via FTP

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