PWEETA TALKS TO OUR YOUTH ABOUT DIET & MORE
Karl Fundare Answers Real Questions from a Real Teen about Eating Meat
Dear Mr. Fundare of PWEETA,
Hi. I'm a junior in High School and am writing a research paper on whether or not humans are supposed to eat meat. It would be very helpful to get the opinions and views of someone who advocates eating animals.
Could you answer the following questions with as much detail as possible? If you look at your answers and think, "This is too much information!" then you should probably write more. I'm hoping you write such extended answers that you look at it you say, "This is WAY too much information!"
Thank you so much for doing this!
-Nena X (name withheld to protect our reader)
As educators, PWEETA actively promotes the truth as we see it to young people everywhere. Responsible indoctrination begins in our public schools. Nena's probing list of questions was so penetrating and insightful; we want to share them with you.
1. Please describe your occupation.
I, Karl Fundare Jr., am president of the People Who Enjoy Eating Tasty Animals and am an educator of dietary health. I promote the consumption of animal flesh, or "meat," and the history of slaughter in human society. In my spare time I paint pastoral landscapes, which I sell to motel chains.
2. Why did you choose this field to work in, and what do you hope to accomplish?
My father, Karl Fundare Senior, founded an industry meat council after our family dairy was paved over. His biggest accomplishment was getting both milk and meat approved as two of the USDA's "four food groups." Although the later Food Pyramid de-emphasized animal products, Fundare's fifth food group, "cake frosting" (oils and fats) was placed at the apex of the structure!
After my father's unfortunate boating accident, due to a stroke caused by smoking and not his all-meat diet, I co-founded PWEETA with Kent Mahle in my father's honor. PWEETA won't rest until 100% of humanity eats meat.
3. Please describe your diet and why you eat this way.
I eat any creature I can get my hands on. Each of God's creatures contains unique nutritional wizardry locked inside its cells. This essence makes me feel as one with all creation. I eat therefore I am.
4. Have you ever personally experienced an alternative diet (vegetarian, fruitarian, etc.)?
I have dabbled in what people call "cannibalism" as it is practiced on the island of Borneo. Islanders eat their dead in a literal communion with their spirits. Bt eating the deceased's essence, we gain their strength. And wisdom. The cannibalism of the islands is NOT murder, and neither is consumption of an animal raised for food.
5. Do you affiliate yourself with any religion? If so, how does this affect your diet decisions?
I used to be Catholic, but now I subscribe to a flexible doctrine that envisions a bright and glorious transformation of life into a super-galactic consciousness - a singularity consuming all matter in the universe that creates an infinity of rapt ecstasy for all intelligent thought. I sometimes miss the reek of incense, but that's about it.
6. What do you personally believe is the most proper human diet?
Eating meat is SCIENTIFICALLY good for you. 98% of the world eats meat. Vegetarian organizations tell us about how healthy East Asians are, but when a country's GNP raises they only want one thing — flesh - and American movies - our two greatest exports after military might. ANYONE who tells you that you need to eat a particular foodstuff for moral reasons is trying to brainwash you.
7. Do you check the background of where your meat and/or animal-by products come from?
PWEETA believes full background checks of any meat product coming into this country are necessary since terrorists could try to slip us tampered product that would strike at our nation's meat supply denying us nutrients, making us weak.
8. What goes through your mind when you eat meat?
Red meats make me imagine I am a naked jungle warrior face to face with my quivering quarry. A turkey leg however, makes me think of a fair lady, a glass of wine, and soft sleepy music. That fantasy could be from the triptophene, or the fact I haven't felt the soft caress of a woman in years. As for the rest of my thoughts, they're inappropriate to disclose to a minor.
9. Are you aware of the conditions on factory farms?
PWEETA feels factory work is better left to qualified humans rather than to animals whose time is better spent fattening up than operating complicated machinery.
10. Should humans have moral qualms about eating meat?
If you took the dark meat of the turkey and you know I like the dark meat, and we previously agreed you're only supposed to eat the white meat, you should think twice. If you don't have any qualms about taking my fair share of the meat, you'll develop some when I smack you in the kisser.
11. Do you think that humans are physiologically designed to eat meat?
Of course we're designed to consume flesh! We have a mouth that you can put meat into, then later, the part of it your body doesn't want, goes out the other end. It works for billions of people, unless they have a terrible disease. Then they die.
12. Is eating meat safe for the environment?
If vegetarians were so "environmentally friendly" they would realize that any population of humans is dangerous to the earth. What should we do about that? It doesn't really matter what we do, since one day, a few billion years in the future, our rapidly expanding red giant sun will eat the planet whole. So what if we do it first? At least it'll taste good.
13. Is meat healthy for humans?
Meat is the healthiest food in the universe —for now. We, at the top of the food chain, eat lower creatures because they have done the hard work of digesting even lower organisms for us. Perhaps scientists will find a new source of food, an ectoplasmic raw matter of thought and energy — a substance that grants us the power to think beyond the stars. Until that day, the closet thing we have to a perfect elixir of life is filet mingon.
14. Do you know any reasons to NOT eat meat?
No. Meat is for everyone: young, old, rich or poor. Even if you're wretched, there's always some sort of edible flesh around - a rat, cats, roaches, your own foot... People don't realize how much animal life is out there! Meat is Life. Meat is Love. Meat is the meatiest treat of all. Perhaps the only reason not to eat meat would be when you're a fetus and have to suck your nourishment from your mother's body. We all begin life as vampiric cannibals.
15. Do you place humans above all other forms of life on Earth?
Our future is a glorious one, which burns brighter than all the suns of the universe. One day, we shall consume all other matter arranging it into a multi-galactic thought cloud of immense computational power. That is our destiny if we consume everything in our path — together and each other! We are one flesh! We are united as one food! We are what we eat, and that's MEAT!
President of PWEETA