HomeOrder a BookBack issuesrect

[Home] [Order] [T-Shirts] [CENSORED] [Back Issues] [Links] [Subscribe to Ooze] [Press Releases] [Table of Contents]

Get a FREE intel mini mac OR an ipod Nano!
It's a pyramid scheme that works. You just sucker your friends and yourself
to sign up for stupid stuff, and they ship you this thing. I SWEAR.

READ OUR FINGER UPDATE - for the latest flippin' news!

Famous Fingers

See a collection of UNAUTHORIZED Celeb Finger Photos

Verboten Celebs
Ice Cube

SECRETS OF THE STARS REVEALED

Is a celebrity finger photo really considered taboo?

For maverick icons, rebellious rock stars and pissed off rappers, it's a good resume-builder. For blow-dried supermodels, it's an easy way to prove they can count. In this prepackaged age of phony smiles and even phonier teeth, the finger is a victory for honesty and integrity.

Jenny McCarthy, Tracey Ullman, Leonard Nimoy. What do these celebrities have in common? No, not syphilis. The aforementioned stars all turned down the chance to appear in THE FINGER.

In putting the book together, our main method for getting celebrities to pose for the book was to stalk them. The best way was to go to their crummy book signings and wait in line. We mainly targeted signings because A) we live in Los Angeles, and B) they're small enough that you can actually get a word in edgewise. Oh, yeah, and C) the security in bookstores pretty much boils down to a guy named "Todd" with thinning hair, a brown sweater-vest, and wrists no thicker than a Bic pen.

The problem with "original" photos, especially if they're taken on private property is that our lawyer strongly suggests we get the celebrities' permissions. (Unlike paparazzi photos, taken in public places, which are somewhat more protected by law). On more than one occasion, stars posed for one of our photographers and then refused to sign off later. Or, sometimes they just said no right off the bat...

JENNY McCARTHY - SHANGHAIED BY SVENGALI!

Jenny McCarthy
We decided to zero in on blonde bombshell Jenny McCarthy, appearing in Hollywood to autograph copies of her dissertation on quantum physics, cleverly titled Jen-X. If anyone would flip the bird for us, we thought, it would certainly be Senorita Wacky. Ms. McCarthy, attractive but "...wearing a lot of makeup," according to witnesses, arrived shortly after we did. When our photographer gamely asked Jenny if she'd mind flipping off the camera, Jenny actually considered it, briefly.

She then looked over at her "handler", an older, stonefaced man in the corner, possibly her manager/(now ex-)boyfriend, Ray Manzella. (We're not sure exactly what HE looks like.) Mr. McCarthy said, quite succinctly, "No." But, as a consolation prize, Jenny offered up one of her many wacky faces to photograph, despite declaring a moratorium on wacky faces in her book.

Ironically, not soon after, NBC declared a moratorium on her sitcom. Months later, Ms. McCarthy filed suit with her publishers, charging that the book's lackluster sales were due to lack of promotion. Did an unwitting encounter have anything to do with her fall from grace? Could a well-thrust digit have created the good karma she needed? We may never know.

LEONARD NIMOY - I LOVE TUNA!

The sage-like star of "Star Trek" and "In Search Of..." turned out to have more of a sense of humor than anybody would have thought--but, alas, not enough to appear in THE FINGER.
Lenny Nimoy
We tracked Mr. Nimoy down at a Borders Books promoting his collection of science fiction radio plays called "Alien Voices." Spock's discussion was peppered by enthusiastic fans nitpicking about various "Trek" episodes and whether Nimoy believes in God. He does.

We asked Nimoy to sign his book, I AM SPOCK and quickly pitched THE FINGER. We "disguised" the project a bit by saying it was a book about hand-gestures in general. "You know, the peace sign, the Spock sign...(clears throat)...THE FINGER. Could give us the Spock sign?" Nimoy chuckled and moved into the famed pose.

Next, we asked if he could flip us off if we made him angry enough. "No, " was all he said.I Love Tuna!

However, our pal Joe did come away from the signing with a real treasure. "I'm sorry, this was the only book I could afford!" he blurted out as he handed the "Starkist Tuna for Today Cookbook" over to Mr. Nimoy to sign. "Could you please write, 'I love tuna'?" he asked innocently. Nimoy raised a Vulcan eyebrow. "Does that mean something?" he asked, slyly. Was the logical Mr. Spock afraid we would trap him into admitting he liked pussy? Of course.

Dateline Los Angeles: Spock loves Vaggie!

TRACEY ULLMAN -STILL BITTER ABOUT LOSING THE RIGHTS TO THE SIMPSONS? OR IS IT JUST US?

Tracey Ullman is a respected British actress and comedienne who's appeared in memorable movies like "Robin Hood: Men In Tights" as well as several canceled TV shows bearing her name. Her most recent HBO show, "Tracey Takes On", managed to spawn a book. And it was at Dutton's in the snooty, Nicole Brown Simpson-slaughtering neighborhood of Brentwood that we attempted to get her to FINGER us.tracey ullman

Before beginning the signing, Ms. Ullman proceeded to "perform", doing a number of her character voices while perched on a chair near the cash register. Although her prefabricated shtick wore thin, she was genuinely funny when picking up the store's phone and bantering with surprised customers. Tracey's husband, a graying, much older man in a trenchcoat, stood in the crowd, laughing too-loudly in all the appropriate places.

Tracey then started scribbling in people's books. We quickly conferred: between the four of us, we didn't have the $21.95 COMBINED to pay for it, and frankly it wasn't worth putting on anyone's credit card.

We waited for every puttering yuppie customer to wish their best to our little thespian until finally, the store was empty.

"Um, hi...we were wondering...um..." our photographer began, her voice quavering for close to a minute until one of us broke in and simply asked, "could you please give us the finger for the camera?" Tracey looked down her nose at us like she'd just smelled a pile of flaming roaches.

"No. No, I don't think so."

"Would you mind flashing us the double-back 'V'?" (As described in the FOREIGN FINGERS chapter, the double-back 'V' is the British fuck-you; an inverted peace sign).

She thrust her two fingers upward. "Like, 'up yours?'" Our photographer quickly flashed away until Tracey said, "okay, that's enough."

Although it wasn't quite the finger, we did have a usable shot and wrote a nice letter to Tracey's management asking if we could run it. No doubt remembering us as "those cheap, skittish weasels who couldn't even afford to buy one of my books", Ms. Ulman refused. The moral of the story? ALWAYS BUY A BOOK, even if your only use for it is to RUN IT OVER WITH YOUR CAR REPEATEDLY.

In Hollywood, it seems flattery gets you everywhere.

WHERE ARE ALL THE FAMOUS PEOPLE?
We don't have permission to put many celebrity shots on our website. Any famous ass with a grudge and a lawyer could sue the nipples off us. If you look at the print version of the book there are a bunch, but that doesn't help the die-hard web-head. Do Not Fear! We did uncover an unauthorized site that has tons of famous people flipping all kinds of birds. Don't thank us though, we only provide the link.

Famous People  in THE FINGER:

Lenny Bruce

Grace Slick

Dan Akroyd

Micky Rourke

Courtney Love and Drew Barrymore

Marlon Brando

Redman

Derek- bass player from a very loud English band

Ice Cube

Johm Waters

2 of The Gang of 4

Mickey Hardt

Death

Julie Delpy

French actress Julie Delpy is one badass chick.

ROCK YOU LIKE A FINGER
As reported in BAM magazine, a teenage boy attending a recent Green Day show in San Francisco flipped off the band?with dire consequences. Apparently, the boy was not a fan of the band's music and had gone only to accompany his girlfriend. Considering what followed, it's doubtful his opinion changed much. GreenDay HoorayGreen Day frontman Billie Joe Armstrong dove into the crowd to retaliate for the boy's finger offense, but landed on the girlfriend. The boy was then "sucked away" in the crowd (mosh pits have a way of blurring things), leaving the girlfriend stranded. Supposedly the boy and girl had a "strong physical resemblance" ­which would explain why Armstrong enacted revenge by purportedly hitting the girl in the face. The performer later found out that his "opponent" was, in fact, a 16 year old female, so he invited her back to Day's show the following night to make amends. The band gave her balcony seats and Armstrong made an attempt to reconcile, allegedly saying, "Well, you looked like you wanted to fight" and kissing the girl on the cheek. Despite this less-than-perfunctory apology, she expressed no desire to sue them. Well, what kind of manners can you can expect from a band that names their album, "Dookie", anyway?

The Mäus

Mickey Mouse expresses his desire to be left alone by the paparazzi after rumors of infidelity appear in the press.

FINGER FACT
The Beatles and Lynard Skynard  both had hits proclaiming the joy of unleashed fowl in flight:  "Free As A Bird" and "Free Bird", respectively.

Il Papa

-kevin quiggly

Variations

Variations of
THE FINGER

Fingers in Film

FINGERS
in Film

Ooze #11 - Link to Home Page

[Home] [Order] [T-Shirts] [CENSORED] [Back Issues] [Links] [Subscribe] [Press Releases] [Table of Contents]