You've had a lousy day and decide to go to a bar. It's time to ditch the usual freaks you hang out with and meet new, exciting ones. Perched on a red leatherette barstool, you order a drink with an umbrella when suddenly this creature takes the seat next to you. Smiling seductively, he runs his long fingers through greased back hair. You soon find your drink paid for­great­but it comes with a hitch. Adjusting the drape of something slick and polyester, he says:

Those clothes look awfully good on you, but honey, they'd look better on my bedroom floor.

-or-

Sweetheart­are you tired? 'Cause you've been running through my mind all night!

-or even-

Was your daddy a thief? No? Then who stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes?

OUCH. How do men ever get laid? I spit on these pathetic scum! Their genes are not fit to propagate the Earth. But you, dear reader, are not beyond hope. Here are some

Pick-up Lines (for Men) That Always Work:

Boy, are you horny or what?

I can smell your uterus from here.

Would you like to shave your name in my back hair?

I have a 7 inch long finger--with your name on it.

My, those glasses are becoming on you! But I'd be cumming too if I were sitting on your face!

Do you clean your clothes with Windex? I thought I just saw myself in your pants!

Have I introduced you to my friend, Mr. Harry Penis?

I am rich, good looking, and have a libido the size of Texas-- so I'll probably dump you after a night or two but you won't care.

Are those chocolate kisses on your boobs or are you just happy to see me?

Having sex with me is a tax deductible charity.

Can I borrow a cup of clitoris for this vaggie pie I'm baking? No? How about a pinch of labia?

My anus is on fire! Can I summon your water brigade?

May I stick my cock in your pussy now, or do I have to pretend I like you first?

My cock is a spy and it needs to seek your safehouse.

You Might Be A Foreigner If...    Little-Known Cultural Exports

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