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| QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS WITH EL CULO NEGRO (*translated from Spanish) Q: Why do you want to be Vice-President? A: I believe that the Democratic Party needs to address their candidate's percieved weakness - he is extremely dull. I am a born leader of men. I do not wish to split the party, and have kept this whole conflict quiet, but these are the final days before anything can be done about it and am making a direct appeal to the public. Let Al Gore know you want El Culo Negro! Q: What are your qualifications for the job? A: I am a quick thinker and an experienced politician. Whether I am on the mats, or in a meeting with angry residents of a community, I know how to battle. And I am now prepared to offer my services to the rest of the country. Q: How do you feel about the choice of Joseph Lieberman as Vice-presidential candidate? A: Al Gore will lose if he really does decide to run with this Lieberman. He is weak and percived by many as not serious. I am strong. I am serious. Like in the Mexican wrestling ring, Gore and I could work together as partners to rid the world of filth and vermin. Lieberman would sit in the corner of the ring and cry like the dog he is. Q: What are your best qualities? A: I do not give up a fight - no matter what the odds. And I am always punctual. Q: What are your worst qualities? A: I have no bad qualities, unless you consider I have beaten several men to a bloody patch of bare earth a bad quality. Q: Why do you wear a mask? What are you hiding? A: When I don the mask of El Culo Negro, I become a champion of the people - the poor, the opressed, the everyman on the street looks to me and says, "That is El Culo Negro." When I take off the mask, I become just a man. We all wear masks. I am hiding nothing. Q: Who are your idols? A: El Santo, the Mexican wrestler who has been loved by millions for 60 years is my biggest influence. He always preached the needs of the common man in the face of adversity. Abraham Lincoln, a great man, was a President and a Wrestler when he was a young man. Then he was shot. I also admire Woody Allen. Q: Are you married? Why not? A: I am married to the people of my country, the United States. This way, I can never disgrace the office of the Executive Branch since I can not cheat on what I am already married to. Q: What do you have to say to the young people, to the middle-aged people, and to the old people of the U.S.? A: I say never give up in the face of the enemy! It now looks like Al Gore may deny me the right to be his running mate. He will not win. But I will fight on for the party of my fathers, the Democratic Party of the United States! And always make sure to check you unplug electrical appliances during an electrical storm. Q: What would you do with the budget surplus? A: In Mexico, we love the lottery. I would take the money and tell the President to draw random social security numbers from a hat and make those people very happy. Q: What do you believe are the United States' greatest threats to its national security? A: America is an open society that allows all ideas and peoples to come and work here. If these walls are built higher, then people will begin to stop thinking and start fearing. I fear that these bricklayers will take over the government and make the world a more difficult place. Nuclear proliferation is bad, too. Q: Do you have any physical ailments that would prevent you from being a world leader? A: I am as strong and as physically fit as an oxen ready to mount a prize cow in heat. All other world leaders will look to me as a force of nature as powerful as thunder! Q: What is your favorite pizza topping? A: This is a not a question, but a joke. Do not take my candidacy lightly. The outpuring of support from millions of people around the world who identify me with the freedom of free peoples may not mean much to you calloused, effete journalists, but a pizza topping? If you must know, it's green peppers. |
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El Culo Negro is a Mexican-American Mexican Wrestler who supports the Democratic Party with every fiber of his rippling muscular body. He believes that "LIBERAL" is not a dirty word, but a proud label of compassion and decency. If there is a dirty word in politics, it is BUSH! And Cheney's first name is DICK. A filthier pair of dirtybirds has never been seen. And even though El Culo Negro loves all of God's creatures, if he is chosen as the candidate for Vice President, he will take those dirtybirds of Bush and Cheney and pluck them of every rich-loving, poor-hating, homo-ignoring feather until they are as bare as Thanksgiving Day turkeys!
But why El Culo Negro and not Joseph Lieberman? Because Joseph Lieberman is a closeted conservative and self-hating jew. Yes, El Culo Negro has a very astute understanding of the judaic mind and has reasoned this inflammatory conclusion to be true. Why does Lieberman attack the Entertainment Industry? Why does he accuse it of being the source of such wickedness and vile substance that it threatens the stability of our society? Because he is jealous. Because he envies the Jews that do make very important decisions regarding the commercial products such as Friends, Malcolm in the Middle, and America's Funniest Home Videos. The Jews that hob-nob with Bruce Willis, Julia Roberts, John Travolta. The Jews that sing, dance, and have fun, instead of the scary ones that build golems. Joseph Lieberman's repression of his own innate jewish showmanship has made him such a resentful man that he wants to take away the glitz, glamour, and psycho-sexual magic of Hollywood. |
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| FUN FACT: President Lincoln was a wrestler before he was elected in 1860! |
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