Dear Concerned:
Many humans use the phrase, "This stuff tastes like crap!" but have they ever really tasted crap? Have you? Many Scientists admit they don't exactly know why dogs like to eat poop, but none of them were ever clever enough to ask a dog, like you. And this dog says it's for one simple reason only– it tastes great. Any variety - fresh, sun-baked, dried, horse, human, dog, cat - each one has its own boquet and spice. Make mine a double!
-Chompo

JULY 4th, 2005

I hate 4th of July. Nothing against the founding of this great nation I have the privilege to pass waste on, but this fireworks thing has got to stop!

Moghadishu, Somalia - 1993. I was 1 year old, and my comrades were in trouble. Two Black Hawk helicopters went down in the center of the city, and our boys were fighting for their lives, but no one could get to them. Except the tunneling terrier - me.

Weaving amongst the wounded, I dug my way through mounds of rubble and filth. And I found them. But the firepower was deafening. My radio collar called in the UN support staff, and by morning I limped home with the survivors. But I never forget. And when the shells go off to celebrate, I back.

That's why I shake a lot and jump into the shower.

February 19th 2005 10:56 am

Last week I made a terrbile mistake - I ate the mailman.

All dogs know that mailmen are the bane of modern society. They bring foreign and dangerous objects to the home, like letters, bills, and mysterious packages from amazon.com. But what most dogs don't know is that, like kids allergic to peanut butter, you can be allergic to the mailman.

Now I am all puffed up and sneezing. I will never make that mistake again.

I Like Spelunking
March 13th 2005 10:46 am

Sometimes, when I feel like it, I go spelunking in the toilet. First, I make sure nobody is in the room with me. Then I take a tennis ball and drop it down the hole, watching it splat in the underground water cistern below. Now, comes the exciting part. I have to rescue the ball.

I climb down into the cistern and paw at the recultant yellow-green orb. It gets awaqy, anopther paw, and deeper into the abyss I go. When the moment is right, I grab for it with my mouth, barely getting the whole thing in - and I don't let go. I climb out of the cave and leap to the ground below.

When I go and show the others my grand accomplishment, and successful rescue operation, they never seem to pleased. Yelling, and throwing the dripping rescuee to the ground, I run to fetch it. Deep down I know they are proud, even if they get upset about toilet water flooding the partment.

My New Year's Resolutions
January 2nd 2005 9:07 pm   [link to this entry]

1) Exercise more.
2) Stop eating cat poop.
3) Start my novel.
4) Finish my nuclear toaster oven.
5) Move zombie cat army to the garage and clean them.
6) Visit chompo.com and click on all the advertisements for fun.

My Second Sight
December 27th 2004 7:32 pm   [link to this entry]

When I walk down the street sometimes people ask me what happened to my empty eye socket. It's stupid to ask if I was born that way - people do it all the time. The thing is, while I may have lost the sight in one of my eyes I have gained powers that are beyond most people. Not that I have x-ray vision or anything, but sometimes I can see the Truth. And dead people. But mostly the truth.

So if you tell me a lie, I won't tell you about the ghost with an ectoplasmic axe ready to strike enough fear into your heart to cause a stroke.

Check out my website: www.chompo.com
-Chompo

It's the Holiday!
December 24th 2004 9:55 am   [link to this entry]

In Rainbowland we call Christmas, CHRISTMAS!! because it's so much fun. First, we wake up and put our heads in a bucket of applesauce and get chased around by ravenous hibernating red squirrels who lick it off our faces before they mate and die.

Then we go to the Giantest Tree in the Cloud Forest to perform the Dance of the Christchild before we open our presents. I will be wearing a new collar made out of oyster dreams and jellybeans this year. I will be the prettiest dog in the world!

Then we open our presents. This is the best part because when everyone is happy and full of good gifts, we turn and thrown them off the clouds we live on and give them to the needy children on Earth. In Rainbowland we don't need presents because we have everything!

Have a happy holiday, no matter what you celebrate.
Love, Chompo!

I'm so excited, I have to pee!
December 16th 2004 11:47 pm   [link to this entry]

Hello everyone!

I am Chompo and today I used the powers of my mind to make the guy sitting here create a new webpage for me. I can't wait to make new dog friends because the other dogs I sometimes hang out with are stupid. One of them poked my eye out because she waqs jealous of me. But now she acts depressed. I told her it was OK and I forgave her, becasue my empty eye allows me to see the rainbows around everyone. And people are now compelled to give me sympathy and treats.

Next time I will talk about my favorite sports!

Love,
Chompo!