EXCERPTS FROM THE JAMES BROWN DIARIES

Even with a whole new round of legal troubles for the beleaguered rock star, Simon and Schuster announced plans last week to publish Hyeeoww!!: The Official Biography of James Brown. The book's author, Don Corneilus, spent many long hours interviewing friends, family, and even J.B. himself in order to get a true understanding of what it means to go through life with burden of the funk.

In addition, Corneilus was granted permission to use a journal that Brown kept during the late 1980s, around the time of the Gravity album, and before his initial imprisonment. Since I spent this winter interning at Simon & Schuster, I was able to sneak a look at the diaries. They turned out to be the most shocking, controversial and explosive memoirs of recent memory; even more sizzling than the Buddy Hackett shocker, Just Call Me Coitus. Luckily, I was able to photocopy a few pages from Brown's diary before I left Simon & Schuster in January. The excerpts contained below should provide an insightful look into the many sides of the homosapien commonly known as The Hardest Working Man in Show Business.

7-12-88

  • Jump back. YOW! Gotta kiss myself. Heh heh ha ha: Make it funky. People, it's bad. I need love, love, love. Gimmie gimmie good lovin'. Mmm, lovin'. Good God. Yeeow.

    7-13-88

  • It was a lovely Thursday morning when I awoke. The beams of sunshine quietly snuck through the blinds and nestled on my pillow, tickling my eyelids ever so gently. I dared not open my eyes yet; I had decided not to rise from my slumber until I could remember all of the ingredients to Mary Louise's succulent quiche recipe. Cheese, eggs, milk....

    7-15-88

  • I've reached a conclusion: I am certainly the baddest man around. Other people walk around trying to say they're bad, but it's definitely me who's bad. My qualitative badness quotient is inordinately high. I refuse to accept anyone else as badder than myself.

    7-16-88

  • YEEEEEEOOOOWWWW! HEH HA HOW! THIS PCP SURE IS FLY, BABY, ZIP ZOP ZOOP ABBA ZIM BA...THINK IT'S TIME TO BEAT MY WIFE WITH A LEAD PIPE, LOAD UP MY SHOTGUN, AND LEAD THE POLICE ON A HIGH SPEED CHASE! YEEEEHHHAAAAHOWWWWW!!!!!

    7-17-88

  • Gotta think of a good lawyer.

  • Nutty German Joke

    Ooze Magazine
    The Journal of Substance, Wit,and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits