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	FRIENDS OF OOZE How Much Do You Hate Ooze? Take this new quiz from the I Hate Ooze website to find out if, in fact, you like Ooze. When you are done you can see why Ooze Sucks and sign their guestbook! Jeff at THE HOUSE Jeff is a journalist trying to "make it big" turned pioneer of the desktop video zine. Join him every week for a new video-adventure where he explored the twisted logic of the world he lives in. (And I've seen his apartment.) Also - check out the archived episodes featuring the editors of Ooze- on OozeTV. BREECH Breech is an LA based "punk-baroque" powerhouse. Lead singer Missy Gibson's hand makes an appearance on the cover of THE FINGER: A COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE TO FLIPPING OFF. Now you must go buy some CD's and listen to mp3's of their music featured on Dawson's Creek. KNODEL Promoting the doctrine of Phil Collins while sounding like Gary Numan and Kraftwerk's evil love child is a tough job. Knodel comes from a future France where they save the world for rock. Or something like that. They now have TWO albums- White Hole and Dawn of the Butterfly (used in Ooze's Live Show) and you must buy at least one of them. THE TOILET PAPER Winner of the 1998 Cool Site of the Year Award. Well.. they didn't so much as win it as they stole it from Robin Leach. Really. Check out thetp.com (Joe) and ooze.com (MJ) Co-Prank where we confront Jerry Springer with our organization, Jews for Jerry. SPOOTWERKS Staffers M.J. Loheed and Eddie Schmidt shamelessly promote their video post-production empire on the Ooze. This site provides background on the company as well as links to some of their highfalutin' clients. BOOGUERILLA's SNAPPY SHIRTS Ooze's Top Corespondent is selling Kentucky Fried Souls and Pop 'n Fresh 'n Impale T-shirts to support his drug habit. The "Jesus died for your sins, don't let it be an empty gesture" beer stein is an Ooze fav. Queer Youth TV Brett - cameraman for OozeTV - started this website for queer youth, and I'm not talking about oddballs. They produce original web video content for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth. The best segment is where people tell their weirdest coming-out stories.

Ooze culls the internet to bring you the Top Quality Sex websites (this is the Sex Issue...) you expect from a multi-national humor organization.

PLANET RAPIDO
Planet Rapido, produced by English TV documentarians, scour the world for the truly bizarre. Erotic Restaurants, freaks, weird travel destinations, Gratuitous Nudity and more. "Alternative fun for alternative people."

Reverend Jen's ELF PANTIES
Reverend Jen is a New York City Art Star/poet/prophet/performer who wears elf ears and sells her "gently worn" elf underpants online. Anyone can buy a used pair of human panties in a Japanese vending machine - but Rev. Jen has the supernatural underwear market cornered. Why is she selling elf undies? Apparently art stardom is not a profitable enough career choice by itself. An Ooze-Reccomended Gift Idea!

HELLO KITTY CONDOMS
This is a real product available in Japan. The author of this page sums it up best: "It's not that the concept is so weird that gets me, but the images on the wiener wrappers themselves. We can choose from Goose-Stepping Nazi Badtz-Maru, or Drunken Frat Boy Badtz-Maru Blowing Up A Rubber Like A Balloon, or the rather upsetting Slave Master Badtz-Maru. Yeah, that one's for all the chicks who get turned on thinking about sadistic cartoon penguins wielding branding irons."

TAMPON-MAN- in Japanese!
You don't need to be able to read Japanese, (much less have kanji characters loaded on your computer) to love this compulsive catalog of tampon photos, installation instructions and manufacturer websites- just scroll down and start clicking away. Even feminine hygiene products are cute in Japan. Hello Tampon!

TammiFaith's GIANT CLITS Page
Is that a pistol in your pocket, or are you just happy to have a GIGANTIC clit? You never know what turns people on.

BEYOND LADIES IN LEG CASTS
Like ladies? Like videos of ladies? Like videos of ladies breaking their legs and then hobbling around on a cast? If you don't, somebody must. This site promotes fictional films about girls breaking their legs- for your sexual pleasure!

GOD AWFUL FAN FICTION
Star Trek the Original Series
‘Fan fiction’ is a curious phenomenon where fans of shows like the X Files, Star Wars, and even Beauty and the Beast write their own original stories for their own enjoyment. The internet is full of this crap. The people at God Awful review this mess and select choice highlights for our review. Consider this literary morsel from the Star Trek universe:

Kirk walked over and inserted his manlyness into the quivering wettness of the communications officer. He pumped and pumped untill Uhura began to moan unknowingly. She began to say Kirk's name over and over again "James, Ohhhhhh James, harder deeper keep it comming love baby!"

Makes you want to get a degree in English all over again.

WTC JUMPER CARDS
Parody trading cards featuring people who jumped off the burning towers. The impact of the cards is tough to describe so I put a small sample over to the right. And I've never seen a longer apology BEFORE YOU EVEN GET TO SEE a humor piece, but the author gets a lot of heat for this. He was really freaked out when an ex-girlfriend sent an anonymous e-mail to his Mom telling her that her son needed mental help. Decide for yourself.

ALL CON$UMING
Imagine what would happen if, over the course of a year, you took a photo of everything - EVERYTHING - you purchased and put it online. Like a photo-blog. The webmistress of all-con$uming doesn't write much about herself on the site - but you do get a an odd sense of who she is by what she buys in this oddly compelling journal. It's anal scope is never boring since she knows how to take a good photo.

ALL MY LIFE FOR SALE
John Freyer sold everything he owned on ebay, including this domain, in eight months. Read a little bit about each item he once owned, where it is and who currently possesses it.

	KILL GOD Did you ever wake up one morning, turn on the computer, cruise the web and find your face on the homepage of an Anti-Christian website? OK- maybe you don't visit weird web pages like I do, but there I was. A picture of me taken from the Ooze Issue, THE FINGER greets heretics as they enter a self-described portal to Hell. I like to look for sick stuff on the Internet, hell I make it. In fact, Ooze's graphics are extremely popular to rip off. I've seen them on record art, websites galore, in flash movies - and it's usually OK with me, especially if the author bothers to put a link to Ooze on it (which the kind pagans added at my request.) However, this did not prepare me for the shock of randomly visiting a bizarre webpage and seeing myself as their poster boy! Just kind of makes you think a little bit. Made me think I look pretty good in a loincloth. -matt

SENSIBLE ERECTION
This journal-style site (or E/N for you blogger-types in-the-know) from New Zealand is for the intelligent, thoughtful, yet horny male geek.

SEXADILLY SEX POEMS
Who ever said that the porn industry lacked serious artists? Horny Hank likes to write his poetry almost as much as he likes to review porno sites.
Celebrities and their pets romantically entangled? Find out on the website that proudly declares, "The two most popular keywords of all time - together at last!"

SIKLINK
Your one-stop shop for when you need "the most bizarre, strange, unusual, sick, odd, and cutting edge free websites on the internet."

VEXING NIPPLE HAIR QUESTIONS ANSWERED BY EXPERTS
Do most women have hair on their nipples and is it usually dark? If you pluck nipple hair will it grow back darker? I wish there were some pictures.

SHELIA'S KISSING BOOTH
For the Sex Issue, we're featuring "sexual" websites that are - well- like Donkey Diaper Fetish sites, or something equally reprehensible. On the surface, SHELIA'S KISSING BOOTH appears to be a web manual on romance and kissing. But scratch beneath the rosy pink background color and a pattern emerges. Pictures of people kissing, romance tips, flying cupid clip art - this website promotes the castration of men... I think.

People Eating Tasty Animals
The original Eating Animals site last updated in 1996 who actually owned peta.org until the animal rights organization took him to court. I feel that PWEETA.org has really taken the torch in the animal eating department. Nobody's sued us for the name though.

JESUS DRESS-UP
Like the Saviour but think his loincloth is a fashion dud? Here's your chance to take the Son of God on the True Cross and dud him up any way you like! Holy Lamb, my ass - Jesus is da bomb!

SUMMUM presents: GOD IS A MASTURBATOR
"The Masturbation of God is a metaphorical representation of the Greatest of Mysteries. Your science calls the creation of the universe the "Big Bang" - a sexual innuendo that is more than coincidence." Does that make sense to you? At least there are illustrations of women using dildos in front of an Egyptian obelisk.


VANITY LINK
Scroll down and see Editor Matt in his spiffy "I Don't Believe The Liberal Media" T-shirt worn to the 1999 Webzine event held in San Francisco. They held it in NY this year and I bailed. Too bad for me.

LOSERSdotORG
Need a comprehensive guide to the most pathetic websites ever created? Losers.org trolls the bottom of the barrel, reels in the doziest and divides 'em into 'clever' categories like, "Girls" and "Nerds." The targets of their ridicule are richly deserving, but sadly the site's commentary is only a little better written than those they mock. Highly recommended nonetheless.


They yell, they scream, they're from Atlanta. What more could you want from a band? How about free mp3's?

OOZE MAGAZINE
Earlier this year, an animals rights organization based in England decided to start a new website and print magazine. If I, champion of the Animal Kingdom, wanted to get my message to the most people I could, would I call my new venture, Save The Fuzzy Animals!, Don't Eat Meat! or Ooze Magazine? I'm not quite sure if they're clever publicists and alternative journalists- or just really really stupid. It's not the name Ooze Magazine is associated in any way with an organization called, People Who Enjoy Eating Tasty Animals, right?

Links That Suck
A decent list of links that includes The Force is a Tool of Satan. More cruising for you.

TYLER SCHULER'S WEBSITE
Tyler is 19 and attends Junior College in the midwest. Ever wonder what that was like? See the world through his eyes.

LINKS FROM LAST ISSUE

IF YOU LINK TO US- WE'LL LINK TO YOU - no matter how crappy your website is!

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