10 Reasons Why ID4 Sucks My Cock

-MJ Loheed (spoot1@aol.com)

1. 15km in diameter Alien craft hovering over every major city in the world did not seem to interest the writers enough to keep them from focusing on lame side stories. Will Smith's stripper girlfriend who will keep him from being an astronaut, drunk pilot Randy Quaid's shitty relationship with his kids, and Bill Pullman's relationship with his inability to act.

2. Bob Dole considers Independence Day to be an example of, "...patriotic and... ...inspirational... ...entertainment that raises our vision of ourselves."

3. People have enough trouble integrating Mac and Windows operating systems. So how does Jeff Goldblum infect the Alien's mothership with an earth based computer virus? Who says alien computers even use a binary logic system?

4. Judd Hirsch makes a lousy old Jew.

5. Does not have the cool ending of War of The Worlds where humanity is helpless against the exterminating onslaught and is only saved from final extinction because the aliens fall ill to earth bacteria and viruses.

6. Not one character in the movie upon seeing one of the alien ships says, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT!"

7. Jeff Goldblum plays a brilliant scientist/cable repairman who wears sweaters, cares about recycling and just happens to be unhappily married to the president's cheif of staff. It's very convienient that he is the only person on earth who realizes the alien ships are hostile and are counting down to attack, so he can make his way to Washington D.C. from NY in a few hours before the aliens blow up the White House to save his wife and the President from certain death.
He is also the son of the lousy old Jew.

8. Giant ships were already done in the early 80's TV miniseries V -which were already borrowed from Arthur C. Clarke's book Childhood's End- a book which I'm sure the screenwriters never read. I bet their idea of good science fiction is "Another Fine Myth" by Robert Asprin (which is probably where they got the idea for Stargate).

9. How does Will Smith learn to fly the alien fighter from a post-it note on the dash and why does it have a control stick just like a single engine Cessna?

10. Harvey Fierstien plays a gay man. Again.

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