--Gabe Wardell

While contemplating the logistics of Marx's dialectic, as I usually do Tuesday nights, I was struck with a sudden and quite disturbing revelation. How would Marx's work have developed with the advent of the touch tone telephone? No longer limited by the lengthy rotary dial, Marx's writing could have expanded unfathomable lengths. Breaking from circular reasoning, the touch tone expands beyond one realm of thought working on nine separate planes, individual, yet connected. Rather than rerouting a dial in circles over and over again, his revolutionary fervor might have been tempered by the forgiving keypad of the modern phone. This might be regarded as touchtonealectics. In a more advanced state, this could transform into Faxalectics, or even internetlectical thinking. Marx could truly make a comeback in the 21st Century if he just could get access to modern technology.

Soon after this revolutionary brain storm, I was plagued by a series of horrible coincidences: I was minding my own business when suddenly my phone rang and on the other end was one of those computerized voices methodically chanting "Automated Computers of the World, Unite!" Then Pacific Bell informed me my phone bill is excessively high and includes many calls to unlisted numbers in Bavaria. I discovered that Marx has been using my calling card to carry out lengthy discussions with Milton Friedman about the advantages of velcro shoe fasteners in an egalitarian society. Marx had also been using my phone to vote for the new Michael Jackson video on the $2.00 a minute MTV hotline. Is this not proof enough that the father of Socialism has changed his ideals in this age of information? Too bad he's dead.

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