EVERYTHING I EVER NEEDED TO KNOW... I LEARNED IN MY MOTHER'S WOMB

In this world of hate and uncertainty, danger lurks everywhere. Why are people so hurtful and evil? Some have suggested that the world could heal itself if everyone remembered the few things they learned in Kindergarten. After exhaustive research in our Pulitzer prize winning oOze laboratories, we concluded that the answer was even simpler. You learned all you need to know nested inside your mother's womb. This is much more of a universal truth considering everyone is still weaned in a womb, and only Americans and a few Nazis ever attended Kindergarten. If our labs had only reached their conclusion sooner, I might have saved a lot of time and money on needless school.

The floating stuff tastes good.
Stay inside; it's warm, dark and safe.
When you're pissed off, kick a lot. It gets you attention.
Don't play with any tube that comes out of your belly. You're liable to choke.
Avoid the wire hanger.
Even though you can't see him, don't trust the muted-sounding voice who shouts a lot.
There is no such thing as an impermeable fluid sac.
9 months is long enough to be with any woman.
If someone forces you out of your home, it's best to go head first and let them slap you on the back.
When it's over, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel. It will be a big disappointment.

[Bullet] WHERE IS OOZE?
[Back to top index] Back to document index

Ooze Magazine
The Journal of SSubstance, Wit,and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits