|Ooze: A Commercial Commodity
Ooze, The Journal of Substance, Wit, and Dangerous Masturbatory Habits, has maintained a gigantic slab of the public's mindspace since its launch in 1994.
Unfortunately, not every sponsor thinks a website that's logo is a Baby With a Fork in its Head is something they want associated with their product. Or so our former advertising agents claimed.
"Microsoft will not want their product to be on the same page as a woman with a missile flying out of her buttocks," say the editors of UGO networks who so generously bought the company that used to handle our advertising with no complaints. Anyway, it seems pretty clear to me that this missile is shooting out of a cartoon woman's vagina. But I guess any company busy being sued by the government can make a simple oversight like that.
We at Ooze feel any woman who could possibly shoot down a hostile aircraft in US airspace with a Vagina Missile is a national treasure, and not the object of derision or even an economic boycott by consumers. In these trying times, a vagina missile should be seen as a Patriotic emblem of the fierceness of the American Spirit! God Bless Vagina Missiles. And Bill Gates can go to Hell.
What does this all mean? Ooze has a lot of empty space it can sell off to the highest bidder. Want to bid? Write to us with some details and we'll get back to you. We are currently accepting proposals from affiliate networks, exchanges, and whatever else you can dream up to rip Ooze off.
Not only do you get to advertise on Ooze, but your ads will appear on the following exciting websites!
toolofsatan.org is visited by hundreds of thousands of outraged star wars fans- ready to buy your wares!
elculonegro.com is visited by hundreds of hundreds of Al Gore fans ready to spend money your latest internet scam!
pweeta.org is frequented by millions of hicks and rednecks who think meat-eating is funny. We don't see their point, but are willing to provide their eyeballs for a minimal charge.